Friday, August 10, 2012

What are the worst sequels of all time?

Making a list of the worst sequels of all time was actually harder than I thought.
It’s not because there were so few to choose from – it was because there were so many.

The horror genre itself could have been its own list – that’s how bad some of those sequels are.

Anyways, here goes:

10. Ghostbusters II (1989): I love the first ‘Ghostbusters.’ Not only is it endlessly re-watchable, but it’s also endlessly quotable. “What did you do Ray?” Hearing that the bulk of the cast was coming back for the second movie seemed like Christmas in July (or whenever they made that announcement – it was a long time ago). Sadly, ‘Ghostbusters II’ is a severe disappointment. Not only is the story silly (A ghost in a portrait wants to take over a baby and live again) but so is the solution, a pink slime dancing Statue of Liberty. I still watch the first movie with great fondness. I pretend the second movie doesn’t exist.

9. Poltergeist II: The Other Side (1986): Both the second and third installments in this franchise were horrible. I thought long and hard about which one I wanted to put on the list before ultimately going with the second one. The third film was going to be a travesty no matter what. They only had one original cast member – and ironically (and tragically) she died before filming was even complete. You can see that it’s her body double in some of the shots – just horrible. The second film had most of the original cast, though, and that’s what makes it worse. The first ‘Poltergeist’ was one of the best horror movies ever made. It should have been left alone.

8. Star Trek V: The Final Frontier (1989): The ‘Star Trek’ films are a mixed bag. There’s a running joke that the even numbered movies are good and the odd numbered movies are bad. For the most part, it’s true. An argument can be made that ‘Star Trek III: The Search for Spock’ is the worst ‘Star Trek’ movie – but I like about 25 percent of that movie (especially the death of David) so I spared it from the list. I like very little about ‘Star Trek V: The Final Frontier.’ First of all, the search for God seems like a metaphysical examination that went horribly wrong. Second, Bones, Kirk and Spock “witnessing” their pain was, um, painful for the viewer. All that being said, I love the campout scenes. Sue me, there’s something to like in every ‘Star Trek’ movie. "Life is not a dream."

7. The Matrix Reloaded (2003): Keanu Reeves really can’t act. The dude peeked in ‘Parenthood.’ Still, I know a lot of people that loved ‘The Matrix.’ Those same people were crushed by ‘The Matrix Reloaded’ and ‘The Matrix Revolutions.’ Revolutions is actually the worst movie in the franchise, but Reloaded gets my vote because fans were expecting so much when they saw this film and they were really let down. By the time Revolutions came around, fans were already disillusioned with the franchise so it didn’t matter as much.

6. Weekend at Bernies II (1993): Really, didn’t we learn all we needed to from the first movie? Well, the second one continues the hijinks – with a lot less class than the first (I know, boggles the mind doesn’t it?) In this one, a voodoo curse is a major plot point and there is a quest for hidden money. That’s all you really need to know.

5. Jaws: The Revenge (1987): Filmmakers touted the fact that they had Lorraine Gary back in this. Michael Caine is the surprise to me. That man is a legend and this film, well, it’s legendarily bad. The bloodthirsty shark in this one kills the youngest son in the Brody clan in Maine and then “follows” the family down to the Bahamas to finish them off. Not only is the premise ludicrous, but the acting was cringe-worthy. All that being said, I actually enjoy the shark attack on the kid friendly banana boat ride. That scene was actually a lot of fun.

4. Speed 2: Cruise Control (1997): The first ‘Speed’ movie was one of those films that took you by surprise. Not only is it one of Keanu Reeves’ first films, but it launched a cute and perky actress named Sandra Bullock into the stratosphere. The sequel is so bad, though, it almost manages to reach back in time and smack the first film. Instead of an out-of-control bus, the heroes of ‘Speed 2’ are trapped on an out of control ocean liner. Yeah, it’s as stupid as it sounds. And, as wooden as Reeves is in most of his movies, he blows Jason Patric out of the water in the ‘Speed’ franchise. How sad is that?

3. Batman & Robin (1997): George Clooney joked for years that he sank the Batman franchise. Thankfully (actually thank Christopher Nolan) he didn’t. He gave it a good shot, though. The first four Batman movies are a mixed bag. ‘Batman & Robin,’ though, is clearly the worst. Between an annoying Alicia Silverstone and a cheesy Arnold Schwarzenegger, there’s a lot to find fault with in this film. The only thing nice I can say about it is that Uma Thurman looked like she was a having a good time.

2. Caddyshack II (1988): Made a full eight years after the hilarious first, ‘Caddyshack II’ is disappointing on every level. I’m a big fan of Chevy Chase and Dan Ackroyd (Okay, I used to be a big fan of Chevy Chase), but they’re both painfully unfunny in this flat film. While the first movie oozed charm and laughs at every turn, this one scrambles to find them constantly – but apparently they’re lost in a sand trap or something. Whenever the first ‘Caddyshack’ is on television, I sit down and watch. Whenever the sequel is shown, I can’t change the channel fast enough.

1. The Godfather: Part III (1990): I think this movie is so bad because the previous two were so good. The franchise had nowhere to go but down – but I don’t think anyone thought it could sink as far as it did. Andy Garcia is a charismatic actor, but he’s wasted as the smarmy Vincent Mancini. Al Pacino and Diane Keaton are always strong, but their story is weak and uninspired. It’s Sofia Coppola, though, as Mary Corleone that really ruins the movie. She may be a gifted director, but she’s a horrible actress. ‘The Godfather’ and ‘The Godfather: Part II’ are two of the best movies ever made. It’s only fitting that this dreck be included with the worst.

Honorable mentions go to ‘The Hangover Part 2,’ ‘Legally Blonde: Red, White and Blue,’ ‘A Nightmare on Elm Street 2,’ ‘Jason’s Dead: The Final Friday,’ ‘The Blair Witch Project: Book of Shadows,’ ‘The Hills Have Eyes 2,’ ‘The Fly II,’ and ‘Rocky V.’

What do you think? What are the worst sequels ever? What did I miss?


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