I’m sick of remakes.
I’m sick of horror remakes.
I’m sick of musical remakes.
I’m sick of science fiction remakes.
I’m just sick to death of remakes.
I don’t understand why Hollywood can’t come up with a decent
story that hasn’t already been done.
This week’s remake disdain award goes to ‘Total Recall.’
First, I should point out, that the first ‘Total Recall’ –
starring Arnold Schwarzenegger, Sharon Stone and Michael Ironside – wasn’t
exactly a classic.
Sure, people still quote lines from it – but that’s because the lines were over-the-top and the story was bad.
The 1990 film is one of those movies that is so cheesy it’s
memorable. That being said, Ironside was all kinds of cool in the movie -- but he's always all kinds of cool.
Friday, the new version – starring Colin Farrell, Kate
Beckinsale and Jessica Biel – hits the big screen. I actually predict it will
hit with a big thud, but that’s just me.
Forget, for a second, that 'Total Recall' wasn't a great movie in its original form. The central themes of 'Total Recall' aren't so grand that they transcend decades. This is just more science fiction tripe.
Traditionally, August is the month where studios dump the
films they think are going to fail. I think there’s a reason ‘Total Recall’ was
dumped here: Executives knew it couldn’t compete with stronger summer fare.
In the grand scheme of things, I want to like ‘Total Recall’
because I happen to love both Farrell and Beckinsale as performers.
Despite a few duds, Farrell has proven himself to be an
adept performer in movies like ‘Tigerland,’ ‘In Bruges,’ ‘Intermission’ and
(yes I understand my own hypocrisy) last year’s remake of ‘Fright Night.’
Beckinsale is equally strong as a performer – although I
have to admit a certain attachment to her ‘Underworld’ character.
Biel has never been a good performer and I doubt this will
be her coming out party as a leading lady. She’s just not a good actress. I've never actually seen a good performance from her.
Not all remakes are bad – but for every good remake there
are 10 bad ones. I just wish Hollywood would realize fans don’t need tired
remakes and actually prefer fresh material.
Will I go see ‘Total Recall’? Probably. My love of Farrell
and Beckinsale aside, there’s just not much else out there I’m interested in
I think the better question is, though, am I expecting much
from ‘Total Recall’? And that answer would be a resounding no.