Tuesday, August 12, 2014

When does your favorite television show return this fall?

It’s that time of year again, and the new television season is quickly approaching.

So, when does your favorite show return this fall?

Sept. 3
The League, 10 p.m., FXX

Sept.  7
Sunday Night Football, 8 p.m., NBC
Utopia, 8 p.m., FOX
Boardwalk Empire, 9 p.m., HBO

Sept. 9
Sons of Anarchy, 10 p.m., FOX

Sept. 10
Hell’s Kitchen, 8 p.m., FOX

Sept. 11
The Biggest Loser, 8 p.m., NBC
Thursday Night Football, 8 p.m., CBS

Sept. 15
Dancing With the Stars, 8 p.m., ABC

Sept. 16
New Girl, 9 p.m., FOX
The Mindy Project, 9:30 p.m., FOX

Sept. 17
Red Band Society, 9 p.m., FOX
10 p.m., The Mysteries of Laura, NBC

Sept. 21
60 Minutes, 7 p.m., CBS
Madam Secretary, 8 p.m., CBS
The Good Wife, 9 p.m., CBS

Sept. 22
The Big Bang Theory, 8 p.m., CBS
Gotham, 8 p.m., FOX
The Voice, 8 p.m., NBC
Scorpion, 9 p.m., CBS
Sleepy Hollow, 9 p.m., FOX
The Blacklist, 10 p.m., NBC
Forever, 10 p.m., ABC

Sept. 23
NCIS, 8 p.m., CBS
The Voice (Results), 8 p.m., NBC
Marvel’s Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D., 9 p.m., ABC
NCIS: New Orleans, 9 p.m., CBS
Awkward, 10 p.m., MTV
Chicago Fire, 10 p.m., NBC
Person of Interest, 10 p.m., CBS
Faking It, 10:30 p.m., MTV

Sept. 24
The Middle, 8 p.m., ABC
Survivor, 8 p.m., CBS
The Goldbergs, 8:30 p.m., ABC
Law & Order: SVU, 9 p.m., NBC
Modern Family, 9 p.m., ABC
Black-ish, 9:30 p.m., ABC
Chicago P.D., 10 p.m., NBC
Nashville, 10 p.m., ABC

Sept. 25
Bones, 8 p.m., FOX
Grey’s Anatomy, 8 p.m., ABC
Scandal, 9 p.m., ABC
How to Get Away With Murder, 10 p.m., ABC
Parenthood, 10:30 p.m., NBC

Sept. 26
The Amazing Race, 8 p.m., CBS
Dateline NBC, 8 p.m., NBC
Shark Tank, 9 p.m., ABC
Hawaii Five-0, 9 p.m., CBS
20/20, 10 p.m., ABC
Blue Bloods, 10 p.m., CBS

Sept. 27
48 Hours, 10 p.m., CBS

Sept. 28
Once Upon a Time, 8 p.m., ABC
The Simpsons, 8 p.m., FOX
Brooklyn Nine-Nine, 8:30 p.m., FOX
Family Guy, 9 p.m., FOX
Resurrection, 9 p.m., ABC
CSI, 10 p.m., CBS
Revenge, 10 p.m., ABC

Sept. 29
Mom, 8:30 p.m., CBS
Castle, 10 p.m., ABC
NCIS: Los Angeles, 10 p.m., CBS

Sept. 30
Selfie, 8 p.m., ABC
Manhattan Love Story, 8:30 p.m., ABC
Happyland, 11 p.m., MTV

Oct. 1
Criminal Minds, 9 p.m., CBS
Stalker, 10 p.m., CBS

Oct. 2
The Vampire Diaries, 8 p.m., CW
Bad Judge, 9 p.m., NBC
Gracepoint, 9 p.m., FOX
Reign, 9 p.m., CW
A to Z, 9:30 p.m., NBC

Oct. 3
Last Man Standing, 8 p.m., ABC

Oct. 5
America’s Funniest Home Videos, 7 p.m., ABC
Bob’s Burgers, 7:30 p.m., FOX
Homeland, 9 p.m., Showtime
Mulaney, 9:30 p.m., FOX

Oct. 6
The Originals, 8 p.m., CW

Oct. 7
The Flash, 8 p.m., CW
Supernatural, 9 p.m., CW

Oct. 8
Arrow, 8 p.m., CW
Kingdom,  9 p.m., DirecTV

Oct. 10
Cristela, 8:30 p.m., ABC

Oct. 12
The Walking Dead, 9 p.m., AMC
The Affair, 10 p.m., Showtime

Oct. 13
Jane The Virgin, 9 p.m., CW

Oct. 14
Marry Me, 9 p.m., NBC
About a Boy, 9:30 p.m., NBC

Oct. 22
The 100, 9 p.m., CW

Oct. 24
Grimm, 9 p.m., NBC
Constantine, 10 p.m., NBC

Oct. 27
2 Broke Girls, 8 p.m., CBS

Oct. 30
The Millers, 8:30 p.m., CBS
Two and a Half Men, 9 p.m., CBS
The McCarthys, 9:30 p.m., CBS

Elementary, 10 p.m., CBS

Tuesday, August 5, 2014

BOOK REVIEW: Sadie Cooper Mysteries find the sarcasm (and don’t let go)

I think sarcasm is one of those things that you either get – or you don’t.

I happen to get it.

I know there are some people out there who don’t like sarcasm – and they certainly don’t find it funny. I am not one of those people. If I didn’t have sarcasm, I wouldn’t have anything to fall back on besides snark.

Luckily for me, I have discovered the Sadie Cooper Mysteries by Vanessa Gray Bartal – and they fulfill my sarcasm and snark quota at the same time.

I almost didn’t give these books a shot. I’m not going to lie, the cover of the first mystery – Pecked to Death – was not exactly giving me confidence when it came to the book. And, just to be completely honest – I hate all the covers. There, I said it.

The stories, though, the stories are magical. I would be really sad if I had missed these stories.

At the center of the narrative is Sadie Cooper, a small-town girl turned weather forecaster who embarrasses herself on television and gets fired, loses her boyfriend, and has to return to her childhood home all in one day – due to the death of a close family friend.

Sadie is not your typical heroine. She’s sarcastic, snarky and not above using her looks and body to get what she wants. She’s unapologetic about using people and blasé about certain things in her life.

Then there’s her former best friend – Luke – who Sadie basically dumped in the dirt when high school hit. Luke is an academic and he doesn’t understand why Sadie just stopped being his friend one day. Oh, and then there’s that pesky hookup they had during their college years that left Luke brokenhearted – again – as Sadie took off with her football player boyfriend.

Sadie understands what she did was wrong. She wishes she could go back in time, but she knows she can’t. Her decisions in life were formed around her dying mother’s wishes: She wanted to make her proud, so she remade herself.
Once home, Sadie is butting heads with Luke and her father, Gideon. Much like Luke, Gideon doesn’t get (or like) Sadie’s personality change in her teen years. He’s pretty much given up hope that his daughter will turn into the woman he wants her to be.

Despite Sadie’s hard edges, she does have a good heart and she does want to make amends. That doesn’t mean she’s going to revert to the same kid she was before she “changed.” At a certain point, Sadie just informs Luke that they’re going to be friends again so he had better get over it.

You learn, through the narrative, that something bad did happen to Sadie (which I don’t want to ruin for you) – so maybe there’s more to her story than anyone knows. I don't think it is enough to wash away the horrible things Sadie has done, but it does make her more vulnerable as a character.

Anyway, at the end of the first book, Sadie decides she’s going to stay in her hometown and move in with Luke – and another family friend. Since the sexual tension between Sadie and Luke is thick enough to cut with a knife – and then build a sandwich with it – Luke is worried.
There are currently three books in the series. And, while the mysteries are silly and entertaining, the most important thing in these books is the sense of family. I love a book when the mysteries are secondary to the character development – and I can honestly say that’s what is going on here.

Sadie is learning – and at a quick pace – that she wants what she gave up years ago. Luke is hiding behind an annoying girlfriend that he sees no future with -- but he needs a shield to keep him away from Sadie. Before it’s all said and done you know, as a reader, that these two will find their way together. You’re just waiting to find out how.

The secondary characters in these stories are just as important as Sadie and Luke are – especially Gideon. While Sadie’s relationship with Luke is a work in progress, her relationship with Gideon is a natural disaster in progress.

The whole ensemble really is charming and I’m just enjoying the ride. I can’t wait for the next chapter in the story.

Pecked to Death (Book One) is .99. Slumbered to Death (Book Two) is .99. Salvaged to Death is .99.

BOOK REVIEW: Liliana Hart's J.J. Graves Mysteries offer hot times, true emotion

When I find a series I love – I run with it.

I mean, I devour every single book in the series – not a thought to anything else on my Kindle – until I’m done. That’s why my entire winter was filled with J.D. Robb books and nothing else. Yeah, I came to that series late.

Well, while on vacation last week, it happened again.

I discovered Liliana Hart’s Addison Holmes mystery series two years ago. I liked the sassy heroine and the bevy of colorful people in her life. I found that Hart’s writing style was so easy, it was almost as if she was reading my mind when it came to the way that people talk.

So, while I have kept up with Hart’s Addison Holmes series over the years, I never tried her J.J. Graves Mysteries. I have no idea why.

This week, though, bad weather and vacation collided and I finally gave them a try. Less than 24 hours later, I had read through all three of them. Yes, I loved them that much.

The series is about J.J. Graves, a small town funeral home director and city coroner who has had her fair
share of trouble. Her parents died two years ago and, while they weren’t bad parents (they weren't especially good parents, mind you), they were bad people. It seems that J.J. – Jaye, to her friends—didn’t exactly know what was going on where her parents were concerned.

After their deaths, Jaye is forced into the “family business” of running the funeral home and has to return to her small town roots.

Jaye isn’t alone, though, her best friend from childhood, Jack, is the town sheriff. And while everyone else in town looks down their nose at Jaye – he is always her rock. Although, he’s starting to look at her a different way. Yeah, you know the way.

Enter Brody – a famous writer – who wants to follow Jaye around on her latest case to get ideas for a book. Brody and Jaye quickly fall into bed – much to Jack’s chagrin – and there’s a certain sinister element closing in on Jaye -- and Brody just may be a part of it.

So far, there have been three books in the series (a fourth is coming this winter). As a reader, it’s not hard to see where things are going here. Jack and Jaye are the couple to root for and – after the surprising and horrifying events at the end of the first book – Jack makes his intentions known pretty quickly in the second book.

The strength in these books is not the mysteries themselves – although they’re fine. The background on Jaye’s family and Jack’s time out of town is very interesting. They’re not what’s important, though. Jaye and Jack are what’s important – and it’s their bond that keeps the series at such a high level.

Jaye is a character that is constantly unsure of herself. Jack is a character that is never unsure of himself. Jaye needs a little push from time to time. Jack is willing to give her that push. They’re fiery and hot and they don’t put up with each other’s crap -- so they're arguing (and making up) a lot.

That is why I love them.

Seriously. If you’re a fan of the genre – and you like a lot of sex (if you don’t like sex, don’t read it because there’s a lot of sex in these) – these are the books for you.

Trust me, give them a try.

Dirty Little Secrets (Book 1) is free. A Dirty Shame (Book 2) is $4.99. Dirty Rotten Scoundrel (Book 3) is $4.99. For what I'm sure is a limited time, an omnibus of all three books in the series is available for .99.

Get out of the water! Shark Week starts Sunday

One of the happiest weeks of the year is upon us as Discovery Channel kicks off the 27th annual Shark Week extravaganza on Sunday.

I love sharks – and shark movies. I love the good ones (Jaws), the bad ones (Bait) and the completely outrageous ones (Shark Night). I have shark slippers, jewelry and T-shirts. So, of course, Shark Week is a big deal for me.

This year’s schedule is full of new offerings at night – and repeats of older shows during the day. And, for the second year in a row, Discovery is hosting the live Shark After Dark program – which brings guests together with comedian Josh Wolf – to talk about each night’s entertainment roundup.

Last year, millions of fans joined in and live Tweeted Shark After Dark – which airs at 11 p.m. nightly --  making the show a runaway success.

After the scathing dress down the Discovery Channel got for airing a mockumentary about the existence of the extinct Megalodon last year (only running a brief disclaimer at the beginning of the show and then presenting the mockumentary as fact), it doesn’t look like producers are backing off their approach (which saw millions of viewers) because a follow-up is scheduled.

Discovery Channel wisely bumped the follow-up off the opening night, though, and buried it later in the week, though.

So what is Discovery offering this year?


Air Jaws: Fin of Fury (8 p.m.): Using incredible new cameras and high tech underwater gadgetry, Shark
Filmmaker Jeff Kurr and his team embark on a worldwide mission to track down the missing “mega-shark” Colossus.

Shark of Darkness: Wrath of Submarine (9 p.m.): Said to be the deadliest great white shark of all time, “Submarine” is a 30-foot great white that has terrorized the shores of South Africa for decades. Locals believe that this shark is responsible for countless fatal attacks, but its existence has never been proven.


Jaws Strikes Back (9 p.m.): Marine biologist Greg Skomal and the sharkcam team travel to the remote Pacific Island of Guadalupe to film the hunting behavior of the largest great white sharks on Earth.

Monster Hammerhead (10 p.m.): For the past 60 years, reports of a monster hammerhead clocking in at more than 20 feet long have circulated throughout Florida. Now a team of scientists and anglers explore the waters of the world’s largest hammerheads to see if these stories could be true.


Alien Sharks: Return to the Abyss (9 p.m.): Shark researchers investigate the ocean’s darkest depths in
search of shark specials that have never been seen before on camera and get a glimpse of the elusive ghost shark.

Lair of the Mega Shark (10 p.m.): Shark experts Jeff Kurr and Andy Casagrande head to New Zealand to investigate the sightings of a 20-foot great white shark, which leads them to the nocturnal feeding ground of a “mega-shark.”


Zombie Sharks (9 p.m.): Shark Diver and conservationist Eli Martinez explores a catatonic zombie-like state in sharks called “tonic immobility” and sets out to solve a mystery of predators using it on massive great whites.

Spawn of Jaws: The Birth (10 p.m.): Dr. Michael Domeier continues his quest to unlock one of the greatest shark mysteries: the location of great white pupping grounds. This two-year mission follows the journey of a pregnant great white called Gil Rakers as she prepares to give birth.


I Escaped Jaws 2 (9 p.m.): Shark attack victims recount their harrowing near-death experiences and reveal how they escaped with their lives.

Sharkageddon (10 p.m.): Massive tiger sharks and other predatory species are invading the shores of Hawaii. After a spike in attacks, including two fatalities, Hawaiian native and surf-legend Kala Alexander sets out to uncover the truth behind what’s disrupting the Hawaiian food chain.


Megalodon: The New Evidence (10 p.m.): Collin Drake returns to share new details of his case and present the shocking new evidence of the existence of Megalodon, an enormous prehistoric shark that could still be roaming the oceans.


Great White Matrix (9 p.m.): Shark attack survivor Paul de Gelder and Andy Casagrande head deep into the shark-infested waters of Australia to investigate a series of bizarre shark attacks and capture the great white bite on camera.

Sharksanity (10 p.m.): A look at the most insane bites, strikes and close calls from Shark Week 2014. Plus your picks for the five crazies Shark Week moments ever.

So, what do you think? Are you looking forward to Shark Week?

Friday, July 25, 2014

New Avery Shaw title hits shelves

For those that follow my books, the fifth Avery Shaw mystery -- The Preditorial Page -- has officially hit stands.

Here is the blurb: Is speed-dating okay when you're in a relationship? It is when you're looking for a killer, especially in Avery Shaw's world. 
A naked body has been discovered in the nearby Clinton River, and while Sheriff Jake Farrell is keeping his cards close to his vest, Avery has another avenue of information: Eliot. 
It doesn't hurt that the medial examiner seems to have a crush on her -- and verbal diarrhea -- and she keeps stumbling on information that propels her ahead of the pack. 
Unfortunately for Avery, when she discovers information that no one else has -- and she finds herself on top of the media game -- she has to make a decision, and that decision is going to tick off everyone she knows. 
Between Jake's anger, Eliot's worry, and Grandpa's insistence that you can't force a handicap parking space on a business owner, Avery has her hands full. 
Lexie has a new place to live, Carly is adjusting to married life and Avery is trying to convince the men in her life that she's not in danger, despite all evidence to the contrary. 
It's a busy week -- kind of. 
In actuality, it's just a normal week for this hard-headed reporter, until someone's eye focuses on Avery and she finds herself in real danger. Again. 
Jake is angry and Eliot is torn, but Avery has an idea on how to solve the case. The only problem is, when all is said and done, someone is going to be shot ... and Avery is going to regret every move she's made on this case when it happens. 
Will someone survive to see another Avery Shaw catastrophe?

For those interested, the book is available for $3.99 as an ebook and $13.29 as a paperback.

As always, thanks for reading.

Thursday, July 10, 2014

GENERAL HOSPITAL: How Rafe became another plot point

So General Hospital writer Ron Carlivati took in all the fan complaints over the past few months and fixed them.

He listened as fans complained about newbies taking over the show.

He listened as fans complained about killing off another child.

He listened as fans complained about plot-driven writing when they really wanted character-driven writing.

And he fixed it. No, he did.

How did he fix it?

He took the legacy character of Rafe (he’s a Barrington – he is a legacy character), made him a drug addict and then had him work for Fluke to run Patrick off the road and ultimately kill Gabriel. Then they had him try to run a police barricade – somehow fly out of the car (are there no airbags in Port Charles?) and die from a blow to the back of the head, even though he flew face first out of the car.

It makes perfect sense.
Oh, wait. What the heck is going on here?

This is the exact opposite of fixing things.

First off, if there was nothing for Rafe to do – and that was apparent – send the kid off to boarding school. Instead, we’re supposed to believe that Rafe got into drugs and let Fluke order him to knowingly run Patrick’s car off the road.

In what world?

Rafe may not have been a perfect kid, but he certainly wasn’t a purposeful murderer. He risked his life for Sam and Danny numerous times – and that was before he even knew them.

So Rafe was suddenly a drug-addicted thug – even though we hadn’t seen him on screen for months – and he’s perfectly fine with running Patrick off the road with a pregnant woman and a small child in the car.

The sad thing is, Rafe’s drug addiction could have been a decent story. As fans remember, Patrick spiraled down into drug addiction himself after Robin “died.” How great would a story of Patrick hating Rafe and then helping the kid go through rehab and come to terms with what he accidentally did (instead of turning Rafe into a hitman) been? It certainly would have been a superior story to what we got.

After directing his anger at the perpetrator who killed his son for all of five minutes – seriously, Sam and Patrick solved that case in an hour, so why couldn’t the PCPD – they blamed Silas, blamed Kiki and then figured out it was Rafe over the course of one conversation.

There was no flow. There was no buildup.

Then Molly jumped in the car with Rafe and they fled from the police – and tried to run a road block. That
sound you just heard was millions of GH fans collectively slamming their foreheads against their desks. It’s just ludicrous.

And, what’s even funnier is that Rafe isn’t dead quite yet. He’s just brain dead. I mean, just last week, Alice collapsed at ELQ and we found out she needed a new heart and – oh my stars and garters – here’s a heart for her. What are the odds of that?

Pretty big in Carlivati’s world, frankly. Why do you think Lulu is considering having a baby? Because Ava is going to need one to steal in nine months after Nina throws her down a flight of stairs. That’s why.

Why do you think immigration suddenly showed up at Maxie’s apartment? Because Levi called them himself to force Maxie into a green card marriage (just wait for it) to try and keep her away from Nathan.

Carlivati needs to stop with his current mantra: All plot all the time, none of that pesky character development.

He needs to reverse course, take a long look around, and fix what he’s broken. Sure, Bob Guza actually broke GH. Carlivati is desecrating the corpse, though, and it’s gone from mildly irritating to repugnant.

Fans want to see what’s going on with Lucy, Felicia, Kevin and Scotty.

Fans want Monica trotted out for more than a medical malady. We haven’t seen her since AJ’s funeral, for crying out loud.

Fans want to see some romance – and Nathan and Maxie can’t carry the entire show.

I will give Carlivati some (minor) kudos, though: Revitalizing the Brownstone was a great idea. All these
young hipsters that are living with family members would actually have a place to live together – and that could be entertaining while also being a nod to the past.

That’s the only good thing – besides Nathan and Maxie (I know, I sound like a broken record) – right now, though.

Because there’s certainly no rooting value in Nina and Ava – the airhogs of summer. There’s certainly no rooting value in the rapist with a brain tumor, Franco. There’s certainly no rooting value in Ric faking his death and letting Julian go free. And there’s certainly no rooting value in Jordan and Anna having hilariously public conversations in the park.

Shape up Carlivati. Fans have put up with enough. We want our show back.

What do you think? Did Carlivati make a mistake killing off Rafe?

Tuesday, June 24, 2014

GENERAL HOSPITAL: Nina is now at the top of my “list”

Oh, Nina, you are crazy.

You’re not bordering the line of crazy. Honey, you’ve crossed it.

You’re not justifiably angry and hurt and lashing out – because that would be understandable, and the powers that be at General Hospital don’t do understandable.

No, Nina, you’ve jumped on the train and are speeding towards Crazy Town – where you will be named queen and reign forever with no other able to usurp your power.

I think most viewers knew that – when Michelle Stafford was hired – Nina wasn’t going to be some consummate victim. No, she was going to be a mean heroine with a certain strength to buoy her. I don’t think anyone realized that strength was going to be diagnosable mental illness, though.

Head writer Ron Carlivati has wasted no time in making sure that viewers realize that Nina is crazy.

A more subtle writer would have dragged things out; let us wonder about Nina, feel for her. Not RC, though.
He had to keep his title as Plot Driven King intact so he outed her two weeks into her tenure and gave her absolutely no rooting value whatsoever.

 I would like to think this means that Stafford is only on for the short term – but since RC insisted on giving Franco a tumor and trying to make him a hero, I have my doubts.

On Tuesday’s episode, Nina and her “nurse” sat down to make a hit list. Okay, maybe they won’t all die, but she wants to exert some pain on these people. So Silas, Ava, Sam, Madeline and Kiki better watch out (although, how she blames Kiki for any of this is beyond me).

It gave me an idea, though. If Nina can make a “list” then I’m going to make my own GH hit list.

These are the characters that have done me wrong – and Nina really is at the top of the list after the past two weeks for all the reasons mentioned above -- and I want some bloody retribution.

10. Sabrina Santiago: She made me watch her whine and moon after a man that was clearly out of her league for months. She had every character on the canvas – some created just for this sole purpose – propping her to the point where I wanted to deafen myself with Q-tips every time she was on the screen. I half expected the first words Robert spoke when he woke up from his coma to be: "Forget the fact that I saw Robin and she is alive, how is that nice Sabrina girl that keeps trying to steal Robin's life doing?" I hate passive aggressive characters, and Sabrina fits on that list – right between Lily and Courtney. Let’s hope that Sabrina decides to stay in Puerto Rico for good.

9. Carly Jacks: You are living with the man that facilitated the rape of your son. The man that kidnapped
your daughter. The man that faked the rape of your best friend’s wife. You make excuses for his “brain tumor” – but the only one buying that is you. Your children certainly aren’t. And, while you’re off trying to run Sonny’s life, you’ve left your brat of a daughter with the guy that once kidnapped her. On the flip side, you know that your ex-husband brutally killed the father of your child and you're protecting him -- even though you've said he's a danger to your children time and again. Buy a clue, Carly.

8. Ava Jerome: Enough is enough. You shot Olivia, killed Connie, framed AJ, slept with your son-in-law, set up AJ’s death by mobster, had sleazy crypt sex with your boyfriend’s father, threatened everyone in town and betrayed your brother. It’s time to die. Since you’re on Nina’s list, I’m guessing a fall down the stairs is in your future – and then a baby theft (anyone else wondering why Lulu is pushing for a kid so hard? Ava’s going to need a baby to steal). I don’t want another baby theft and I’m tired of Ava being on every day. I love Maura West, but I want to see Lucy, Kevin and Scotty – not Ava.

7. Sonny Corinthos: You’re a despicable human being. You like to fancy yourself as a mobster with a heart of gold, but you’re not. You’ve betrayed everyone in your life. Everyone. You’ve declared your children off limits while terrorizing the children of your enemies. You killed an innocent unarmed man – after stealing his child from him. You never take any responsibility for your own mistakes but blame anyone and everyone else you can. You’ve thrown more barware than a drunken hooker -- and fathered more children than a jacked up NBA star. I’m just tired of you. It’s time for Sonny to ride off into the sunset with Brenda. It’s General Hospital – not General Mobspital.

6. Olivia Falconeri: There’s no rooting value in her relationship with Sonny because it all happened off screen. Her visions are embarrassing. Her intrusion in her grown son’s life is annoying. And, quite frankly, I think she’s worn out her welcome in Port Charles. If ever there was a character that could just be lifted right out (to help ease the over-population in Port Charles) it is Olivia. Maybe it’s time she returned to Bensonhurst.

5. Lulu Spencer: While I’ve never warmed to Emme Rylan’s Lulu, I have decided to look at the character as someone else completely – which at least makes the character tolerable to me. Kind of. The sudden insistence on carrying her own baby – right on the heels of getting Rocco back – makes me want to smack the character, though. You live in a shoe box and you can barely take care of the kid you have now. I know RC is just forcing this so Ava has a baby to steal when Nina deprives her of the one she’s carrying but, come on, does Lulu’s entire life have to be around procreation? Because it has been for the past two years and it’s getting old.

4. Morgan Corinthos: If he screeches “Mikey!” one more time … I swear, I'm going to pop him one. I think Morgan has potential as a character and I think the actor who portrays him is going to go on and find success in prime time and movies (probably sooner, rather than later). If we get the full three years with Bryan Craig in the role, we should consider ourselves lucky -- because the kid is going to run away to do something else at that point. That being said, Morgan is a whiny brat. The fact that he would even consider raising a baby with Ava after what she did makes my stomach turn. Morgan should be a dynamic character – let’s not saddle him with the never ending task of propping Ava. It wears on me. Bring on Scotty, Kevin and Lucy's kids for an age-appropriate love interest.

3. Tracy Quartermaine: Tracy has been many things over the years – including a woman that was willing to let her father die for power. She is not an idiot, though. So Tracy refusing to see the light where Fluke is concerned irritates me. She keeps accusing Kiki of hitting on Luke. But she never asks herself: Why? Kiki is with a rich young man who adores her. Luke is a pasty old white dude that doesn’t have two nickels to ruin together. So why would Kiki be after him? Then there’s that whole forgetting Dante’s name and acting weird every time she turns around. You’re a mean woman, Tracey, you’re not an idiot.

2. Levi Dunkleman: You have no redeeming qualities. Your voice is like nails on a chalkboard. You’re alienating Maxie from her family (including keeping her from good food) and keeping her from her child. You're self-righteous and a know-it-all. You’re also clearly up to something. I know you’re just being used as a temporary stumbling block for Nathan and Maxie – with another ulterior motive thrown in for good measure, perhaps -- but that weird shadow on your top lip makes me want attack you with a really painful laser electrolysis system – or a burning hot Epilady.

1. Ron Carlivati: Okay, he’s not a character. He has managed to ruin GH, though. Previous head writer Bob Guza decimated GH. He did. He lost millions of viewers while trying to prop his agenda, all the while flogging viewers with Jason, Carly and Sonny every single day. He’s the reason GH is in big trouble right now. That being said, RC is the one dousing the corpse with gasoline and lighting it on fire. RC is a plot driven writer – not a character driven writer – and the things that are going on at GH – like Nina and her stupid list – are not acceptable right now. For the love of all that’s holy, please try to get Claire Labine back. She’s the only one that can right this sinking ship. GH got left off the best writing list for the Emmys -- even though there were two open spots. The show couldn't even get a pity nomination. That's a direct message to Carlivati.

What do you think? Who would make your list?