I’ve been sick for a month now.

Okay, maybe it only feels that way. Real time? Four days, but it might as well be a month.

I learned a valuable lesson this week, though: Don’t watch soaps when you’re sick.

I don’t know about anyone else, but I’m fairly cranky and whiny when I’m sick. So, watching my favorite soap – in this case ‘General Hospital – turned into an impossible chore when I started focusing on everything that was wrong on GH instead of right.

What am I talking about?

Sabrina needs to grow up: This is a grown woman right? This isn’t a middle school girl? I’m confused, of course, because I’ve had to listen to her whine about a man she has never dated for the past week (more like months). If Sabrina wants to be taken seriously, maybe she should stop the middle school antics and move on. Forget Britt, Patrick is never going to truly care about you because of Robin. Let it go.

Liz needs something to do: When did Liz turn into Amy Vining? The fact that they’re using the beloved Rebecca Herbst to prop a vapid newbie is infuriating. Why isn’t she being put in scenes with Sean Kanan’s A.J.? It’s become clear that they’re pushing A.J. towards Carly – which will make him the third man on the canvas panting after Carly like he’s in heat and she’s the only female on the planet. She already has Todd and Johnny, she doesn’t need A.J., too. Set him free! Kanan and Laura Wright have great chemistry, but no one is going to be able to get past their mutual history and accept them. Let it go.

Connie’s dastardly steal a middle-schooler’s book plan is getting old: To be fair, the whole Connie storyline is over and done. I don’t care about Connie. I don’t care about Sonny. Forcing them together on my screen isn’t going to help matters. All it does it make me fast forward through their scenes. However, this “Love in Maine” disaster only serves one purpose: I now officially hate Maine.

 

Britt needs to realize that she’s not smarter than a five-year-old, let alone a fifth grade: Why is it that soap characters are openly mean to small children as a way to show they’re evil? GH has went out of their way to prove to viewers that Britt is evil and Sabrina is good since day one. We get it. We don’t need to see Britt threaten a small child. Anyone else hope Anna beats the snot out of Britt? Just a tip, though, GH – I still don’t like Sabrina, even though you’ve sacrificed Britt at her altar.

The vampire storyline is stupid: I love Lynn Herring, but GH should have just let the whole vampire thing go. Are you telling me Lucy never reads the newspaper? Because Sam McCall would have been all over it when she got her baby back, when the baby “died,” when she got blown up in a limo, etc. John McBain also would have made the papers for the whole bioscare, Faison scenario and that whole Todd Manning coming back from the dead thing. In this media obsessed world, you’re telling me Lucy never saw any of the stories done on these two? Stake the vampire storyline pronto.

Ellie is the new Hannah: How am I supposed to invest in Ellie when she’s clearly being set up as the new Hannah – or Siobhan, for that matter? The writers are clearly making Ellie the foil to Maxie and Spinelli’s “happily ever after.” Why should we root for her when we know where you’re going with this story? Setting Ellie up to eventually be evil isn’t going to make me root for Spinelli and Maxie – and it’s not because Maxie is suddenly lying to Lulu and Dante about losing their baby. It’s because I can’t stand Spinelli – I haven't been able to stomach him – and I never will. This isn’t going to help.

Olivia’s hallucinations aren't entertaining or illuminating: Olivia’s psychic trances were never fun for me. I always found both the acting and the writing in the scenes painful. The writers keep beating that dead horse, though, and I’m done caring. Steve is leaving the soap soon – send Olivia with him.

Rant over -- until spring allergy season.

What do you think? What storylines are working and which ones aren’t?