Saturday, January 7, 2012

Who are the worst couples in 'One Life to Live' history?

I think one thing every soap fan can agree on is that for every one good soap couple, you have to sit through five bad ones.

It’s a lot easier to find examples of horrible soap couples than it is find examples of great soap couples – especially considering all the things that have to come together to make a great soap couple. You need chemistry, good writers, attractive actors and some sort of hook.

To make a bad soap couple, though, all you need is dimwitted writers and slow casting directors to come together in a meeting of the minds.

That happened a lot on OLTL. Narrowing down the list was more of a chore than making it, truth be told.

So, here you go, the worst couples in OLTL history:

10. Jess/Tess and Nash – I think we can all admit that OLTL went a little too far with the alternate personality storylines. The first few times with Viki were entertaining. The last three times with Jessica were not. Jessica’s alternate personality Tess fell in love with an amiable freeloader named Nash (played by the charisma-free Forbes March). Then Jessica (played by the talented Bree Williamson) regained her own persona and then dumped her longtime love for Nash anyway. The couple fizzled and Nash was written out relatively quickly – for soap standards anyway – when he took a header through a plate glass window.

9. Marty and Suede – Speaking of charisma-free actors, David Ledingham had the misfortune of playing a guy who was pressuring a rape victim to have sex – and he had the name Suede. I don’t think it’s any surprise to anyone watching that Ledingham hasn’t found a lot of work in recent years – especially since, even for soap standards, he was horrendous. Suede was (thankfully) killed off and Marty went on to be paired with true love Patrick. Still, the Marty and Suede era was like a fashion era everyone wants to forget.




8. Viki and Sloan – How many different ways can you say boring? As a major Clint and Viki fan, I was angry when she left her husband for the very dull Sloan. Roy Thinnes has been wonderful in other stuff, so why he was so bad on OLTL is a mystery to me. What isn’t a mystery is that most fans were as bored with Sloan as I was. He was another character killed off by fan ire. It took a long time for Clint and Viki to get their happy ending after this, though.

7. Jessica and Ford Torso Number One (aka Robert Ford) – Since OLTL pulled the “Jessica falling in love with her alternate personality’s boyfriend” story once and it failed miserably, I don’t understand what possessed them to pull it twice. The fact that Ford Torso Number One makes Forbes March look gifted should have been the writers’ first clue that this wouldn’t work. In addition, the writers were trying to replace the Brody and Jessica pairing – which did work – and that should have been their second hint that this couple would never work. The final straw, though, was that Ford Torso Number One essentially date raped a mentally ill Jessica (who thought she was a virginal teenager) and knocked her up. That’s strike three. The fact that Jessica is ending up with this tool at the end of the show kills me.

6. Cassie and (Timothy Gibbs')  Kevin – On paper, the daughter and son of mortal “frenemies” Viki and Dorian was an intriguing prospect. In actual practice, they were an unmitigated mess. Timothy Gibbs was the Kevin at the time of the experiment when they got the most attention and, as far as Kevin’s go, he was probably my favorite. I also liked Laura Koffman as Cassie – and actually had hope at one time for her and Bo (even though I truly loved her with Andrew). So why I got so irritated by Cassie and Gibbs' Kevin is still an enigma to me. Maybe it’s because the potential they had on paper was so great that they should of worked, which makes their lack of sparks a great irritant for those that were so hopeful.


5. Starr and Ford Torso Number Two (aka James) – As far as the trio of Ford torsos go, Ford Torso Number Two (otherwise known as Nic Robuck) is probably the least annoying of the three (although that’s really not saying much. While I agree that Brandon Buddy (Cole Thornhart) wasn’t the greatest actor, I was actually a big fan of his sweet love story with Starr. This was a case of the offspring of mortal enemies getting together that worked. Instead of the happy ending that Cole and Starr should have had with their daughter, Hope, however, we got spoon-fed another talentless torso who really brings down the actors and actresses who work opposite him. I’m hopeful that Cole survives his shooting this week and he and Starr run off together. I don’t have a lot of faith that will happen, though.

4. Matthew and Destiny – Here’s the thing, Eddie Alderson was cute as a kid but he really didn’t grow up to be cute as a teenager. When you couple that with the fact that he’s not a great actor and then pair him with the worst actress on the canvas and have him knock her up – yeah, that’s Matthew and Destiny. OLTL had the chance on Thanksgiving to do something groundbreaking and kill Matthew off after his voice-over episode. Instead, the show backtracked, brought Matthew back from the brink of death and had him turn on everyone who had been sitting at his bedside since he went into the coma six months ago. Matthew and Destiny had no chemistry from the beginning, but when you add the vitriol being spewed by Matthew these days – the couple is just painful to watch.

3. Nora and Daniel – I’ve always liked Hillary B. Smith – but there were a number of lean years in there where they didn’t give her much to do. So, when they first paired her with Daniel Colson on the show I was intrigued – mostly because I just wanted to see more of the Nora character. The problem with the storyline, though, is that it was pretty much an insult to everyone involved. We find out that not only was Colson cheating on Nora, but he was also a murderer, and he did it all to cover up the fact that he was gay. What? Yeah, I’m right there with you, it was one of the most nonsensical storylines the show trotted out over the years.

2. Natalie and John – Melissa Archer is a fiery actress with a decent amount of talent for a soap. Michael Easton is a morose “artistic soul” who more often than not sports a mullet. When these two came together – a lot of fans saw fireworks. A lot of other fans saw red, though, because the much loved Evangeline was considered a better fit for John McBain. Personally, I never cared for Evangeline – but that still didn’t make me like John and Natalie (no matter how hard the writers tried to jam them down our throats). If I’m being honest, the thing that bugs me most about this couple is that the interesting Brody was sacrificed to prop them – and that’s something I’ll probably never forgive.

1. Frodd and Marty – When Susan Haskell came back to OLTL, fans weren’t sure what to expect. After all, she had been half of a popular super couple and the actor who played her arch nemesis was no longer on the cast. The popular character of Todd had been recast with Trevor St. John – a capable actor who just didn’t quite have the magic to be Todd. Of course, later on we found out that he was really Victor pretending to be Todd – hence Frodd (Todd + Fraud = Frodd) – but I digress. At the time, we were supposed to believe St. John was Todd and, in what was probably the most disgusting story in OLTL history, Frodd seduced his amnesiac rape victim and made her fall in love with him. Fans revolted, the pairing was quickly scrapped, but no one will ever forget the absolute filth that was Frodd and Marty.

And, as always, honorable mentions go to Dani and Ford Torso Number Three (aka Nate), Ben and Viki, Bo and Lindsay, Bo and Didi, Max and Luna, Stacy and Skylar, Nora and Sam, Kelly and Drew, LeeAnn and Kevin, Kim and Clint, Aubrey and Rex, and Joey and Jen.

Who were your least favorite couples?

4 Comments:

Blogger Joliefan said...

You certainly have the right to your "opinion" but John/Natalie are certainly not the "worst" couple on OLTL. I can think of QUITE a few others. John/Natalie are an immensely popular couple. As far as Evangeline goes, I guess you skipped the part where John/Natalie were being developed BEFORE Evangeline ever was introduced.

January 8, 2012 at 7:13 PM 
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October 27, 2015 at 10:35 AM 
Blogger jasam morgan said...

I still think Cole and Starr were the most unbearable couple ever on OLTL.

November 29, 2015 at 11:52 AM 
Blogger Amynyc419 said...

Marty and John ! And Susan Haskell has chemistry with a lamp shade! John was so boring , He is so monotonous and for a character as complex/Intelligent/sexy/funny/damaged as Marty he did nothing for her.
JOHN makes DYLAN look like that Tasmanian animal!

October 18, 2016 at 6:29 PM 

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