GENERAL HOSPITAL: The problems in Port Charles

Life in Port Charles has settled down since the 50^th anniversary celebration – and I’m not exactly basking in the love.

‘General Hospital’ is markedly better now than it was under Bob Guza’s reign of terror – or Garin Wolf’s confused melee of madness – but I’m not exactly thrilled with everyday life in Port Charles.

I’ve been a fan of soaps long enough to realize I’m never going to love every story or every character – but I’m pretty much at 50-50 right now.

GH is keeping me as a viewer because I’m enjoying seeing Luke, Laura, Scotty, Anna, Duke, Nikolas, Mac and Felicia. While they’re never going to truly lose me as a viewer – I do have characters like Sabrina, Britt, Ellie, Spinelli and Connie on fast-forward.

So, what are my biggest problems with Port Charles right now?

5. Ellie Trout – I know she has her fans, and she has potential, but she has some irksome qualities.

First off, I find Spinelli so annoying that anyone with him in a scene irritates me. I think she would be more entertaining if they paired her with someone else – Milo, for instance. I’m never going to root for any Spinelli pairing – and this includes her. Second, I found it refreshing when Ellie said she didn’t want to have children. As someone who has been saying that since I was 14, it was nice to see someone feel the same way. As a counterpoint, though, Ellie is also supposed to be a medical professional. It is none of her business what Maxie is doing – or why she is doing it. She could – and should – lose her medical license for breaking into Maxie’s records. It’s sad to see a character with potential relegated to a prop standing in the way of Maxie and the most annoying character in GH history.

4. Nikolas and Liz – This was one of the biggest couple mistakes GH ever made. I like both actors involved in this story immensely – but I’m never going to get behind Nikolas and Liz. They do have chemistry, but it’s still like watching a brother and sister flirt with each other (or peck each other to death). Liz’s heart will always belong to Lucky (although I’m willing to watch her try to move on with AJ) – and Emily was Nikolas’ soul mate (and Liz’s best friend). It’s altogether icky. The only worse pairing in GH history was Emily and Sonny – the aptly named Soily. I’m onboard with AJ and Liz – who have equally sparkling chemistry. If Nikolas is staying, resurrect Emily (why not have her be a popsicle in one of Stavros’ freezers?) and help bolster the Quartermaines and Cassidines at the same time. Make her pregnant when she disappeared and that’s why Helena took her. Who doesn’t want a Quartermaine and Cassidine heir?

3. Connie – I am done with multiple personality storylines – especially this one. I don’t like either

personality. ‘One Life to Live’ overused the DID angle, too, but at least I liked all of Viki and Jessica’s personalities. I can’t stand either of Kate’s. Believing Sonny would put up with this madness is a stretch – and not a fun one. Maurice Benard looks like he’d rather be anywhere but where he is when he’s in a scene that involves talking about multiple personalities. Bring back Brenda, send Sonny and Brenda off into the sunset where they belong, and let it go. Sonny and Kate are not only painful to watch – but they’re chemistry-free, too. I don’t see the purpose of having Kate (or Connie) still in town.

2. NuLulu – I know the actress has her fans, but I’m feeling a huge disconnect with Lulu right now. Julie Marie Berman was not only talented and warm, but she looked like her onscreen mother. The new Lulu is shrill, her features are a little sharp for her face, and there’s nothing warm about her. I know that Lulu is supposed to be removed from her life – and we’re supposed to be reintroduced to the character as she rediscovers her life and reconnects with her husband – but it’s not working for me. First off, Stavros had Lulu for like four days. I’m not exactly sure how he did so much damage in such a short time, but this is clearly a retread of Jessica on ‘One Life to Live.’ I’m just glad Lulu doesn’t have a sister for Dante to sleep with. If he starts looking at Nikolas in that “special way,” though, I’m going to have a fit. I haven’t given up on NuLulu yet – but I’m definitely not feeling the same love for the character that I used to.

1. Sabrina – The most propped character since Jason Morgan’s heyday is never going to win me

over. The writers had her go from the most immature character on the canvas – this includes baby Danny – to the most mature overnight. Apparently, once she shed her glasses, she was an entirely different person. I am beyond sick of the Sabrina propping. They even had Carly doing it on Friday. I’m just waiting for Robert to wake up from his coma and say “Forget Robin! I’m going to adopt Sabrina.” I don’t care what kind of rewrite you do with this character – whether she’s the lost Quartermaine heir (or Ellie is), I’m never going to like her. I’m never going to root for her pairing with Patrick. I’m never going to want to do anything but fast-forward through her. Well, actually that isn’t entirely true. If you kill her off, or have Robin return to town and smack her around a little bit, I’ll totally be into it. Let’s start the movement now: Bring Home Robin in 2013!

What do you think? What is driving you crazy about ‘General Hospital’ right now?