Crime pays on soaps

I know that soap operas aren’t supposed to be realistic.

I sat through Casey the Alien on ‘General Hospital’ and Eterna on ‘One Life to Live’ in the 1980s – trust me, I know.

So the inconsistencies in soaps shouldn’t bother me – and most times they don’t. That being said, the writing for law enforcement stories and court cases on GH these days has blown past “unbelievable” and landed squarely on absurd.

The first story is that of Sonny’s trial for allegedly firing shots at Anthony’s car – thus causing the deaths of Cole and Hope.

First of all, that happened in very late February – so we’re talking six weeks at the most here – and he’s already been acquitted.

Anyone who knows the court system knows he would have been arraigned shortly after his arrest, then his pretrial would have been held (at earliest) two weeks later. Then you have a court date set in circuit court that is usually months down the line – and that doesn’t include the bevy of delays a murder trial would have at the behest of both lawyers.

So not only did Sonny go to trial in five weeks, but the murder trial of a father and daughter – that didn’t have bodies mind you – managed to get through all of the testimony in one afternoon. Then the jury decided in a couple hours.

What?

I don’t need to see all the tedious testimony, but just a hint of realism might be nice. Sonny didn’t even have time to change his suit.

As viewers, we all realize that Kate – or at least one of her personalities – is actually responsible for shooting out Anthony’s car tires and killing Hope and Cole. This will, of course, afford her the opportunity to get off on a technicality.

On a side note, Starr has lost Hope twice now to DID – a mental illness that most psychologists say they don’t believe really exists anymore. Just saying, the infant was switched out with a stillborn by Starr’s cousin Jessica (or, at the time, her alternate personality Bess) and now Hope has been killed by someone else with DID.

Even if DID does exist, the odds of Starr knowing three people with it are pretty slim. Heck, her own father faked having the disease at one time, too.

Back to Kate/Connie, though. Not only is her psychiatrist Ewan aware that she has multiple personalities, but he also knows that the gun used in the incident was found in her office – mostly likely meaning she’s responsible – and yet he hasn’t informed the police.

I know he swore an oath, but I was under the impression that if you knew your patient had done something illegal you had an obligation to turn them in.

Of course, only Johnny and Ewan know for sure what is going on with Kate. Jason is (finally) catching on – but those closest to her don’t realize she’s gone round the bend.

Speaking of Johnny, apparently he’s tied up in a black market organ donation scam – which really doesn’t seem like him. It also doesn’t seem like him to let Kate walk around mentally ill without telling anyone either – but that’s a whole other argument.

While I’m glad they actually show Johnny doing illegal things – unlike Sonny and Jason who are supposed to be mobsters with a heart of gold – I have trouble believing that black market organs are something the mob gets involved with these days.

I know it goes on, don’t get me wrong, but is it really a mob thing? And if this is what Johnny is blackmailing Steve for, how would Steve not have turned him in before? Steve is not the kind of character that would put himself above innocent victims.

My other quibble with that storyline is that Sonny somehow found out about it and turned the information over to the police – leading Dante and Ronnie to Johnny. Why is it that Sonny is a better investigator than the Port Charles Police Department?

Speaking of investigations, anyone else think that Spinelli believing he has 100 percent proof Patrick killed Lisa because he believes it to be so is ridiculous? Actually, believing that Spinelli and Matt are doing all the investigations to clear Maxie while her father – the police commissioner – is missing is absolutely ludicrous.

Spinelli couldn’t find his way out of a paper bag with only two ends and Matt is the least observant guy on the canvas. Why are they even allowed to investigate this by the way? Where is Mac?

I’ll tell you where he’s not, Mac certainly isn’t weighing in on the stripper investigation that has somehow sucked all the attention of his entire detective bureau.

Here we have Dante, Ronnie and Padilla all investigating it – Ronnie clearly planting evidence – and Lulu being the one to figure things out.

Wait, huh? Lulu? Lulu the fashion assistant who is suddenly working at the PCPD even though she has no credentials? That is just plain dumbfounding.

The only cop in Port Charles who seems to know what he’s doing is John McBain, and he’s fixated on Sonny because Sonny killed a sister no one had ever heard about years ago. Guess what, Sonny won’t go to jail for that either.

I mean, Jason is walking around free and he’s essentially a glorified serial killer. Sonny has went through at least three trials that I can think of offhand -- and he’s still roaming free. Yet Maxie is sitting in jail for crimes she didn’t even commit.

Port Charles is a wacky, wacky town.

What do you think? Would you commit a crime in Port Charles?